Worst Picture

Dreamcatcher

There are times when it doesn't pay to be a movie fan. Not everything is going to be worth the two hours you put into it, and occasionally, it'll make you regret ever stepping foot in a theater. When you're shelling your own money to see these pieces of dreck, that just makes it doubly worse. Luckily, we get payback. Below are the worst of what Hollywood had to offer us this year, from unnecessary sequels, to botched adaptations to just plain "what were they thinking?" crap-fests. Unusual compared to previous years, no one film ran away with our scorn, with instead multiple films receiving bitter little pills from us.

Taking the grand boobie prize is Dreamcatcher, which is probably an unexpected pick unless you've seen the thing. You can count the quality Stephen King horror adaptations on one hand and it doesn't help that Dreamcatcher is one of his more fanciful ones, dealing with alien invaders that invade your brain and exit out your ass (no, really), along with a military cover-up of said same. Add on an ensemble of good actors floundering in the material (including the usually reliable Morgan Freeman and a hilariously speech impedimented Donnie Wahlberg), horrible effects and ridiculous plot twists and you have all the making of an all-time stinker. It's enjoyable on a MST3K level, but that's no excuse. For these reasons, it's a worthy winner of this year's Calvin for Worst Picture.

Sitting just behind it was this summer's whipping boy, Hulk. While audiences were primed for a fun action romp much like 2001's Spider-Man, Ang Lee had different ideas. He decided a pseudo-art film about the duality of man and how closed off modern men are from their emotions would be a better idea. Two words for you Ang, HULK SMASH! How fricking hard is that?

You're not going to find a group of people that are more dedicated and worshipful of the original Matrix film than this group. So when we call The Matrix Revolutions our third worst film of the year, it means something. Some hated it on its own terms, some hated it for not wrapping the series properly but anyway you slice it, we're starting to wish we took the blue pill. We had no idea the rabbit hole was this shallow. A smaller minority also vented on the superior Reloaded but it didn't place in the overall list.

The level of wisdom involved in making a Fast and the Furious sequel without Vin Diesel seemed to rise and fall throughout the year. Yet, when it all came down to it, bro, it still meant that you were banking on pretty boy Paul Walker to carry your film, bro. All the pretty, fast cars and illogical chases aren't going to save you after that. Yo John Singleton, what happened to your career, bro?

That Kangaroo Jack managed to avoid being voted the worst film of the year is probably due to the fact that we were all scared off by the ridiculously awful trailer including the now-infamous rapping kangaroo sequence. The concept, I think, was formed in the very bowels of hell and vomited forth by the Prince of Darkness himself to break our spirits. Jerry O'Connell plays a hairstylist beholden to Christopher Walken's mob boss who is sent to deliver a package to Australia. After mistakenly giving it to a kangaroo (I'm sure it made sense at the time) the chase is on to get the money back. Sure, the whole thing is masquerading as a family film, but it's not fit to inflict on anyone.

Another Bruckheimer production follows right after, with the distinctly unpleasant Bad Boys II. We've got nothing against explosions, really, but the wall-to-wall fireball technique and Michael Bay's trademark epilepsy-inducing directing style is just too much to take. Is anyone else regretting letting Will Smith be a star? Thought so.

Coming in seventh is Wrong Turn, the finest that cannibalistic hillbilly horror had to offer this year. Talk about your damning with faint praise. Truth be told, it's pretty enjoyable on a campy level but no one in the cast is going to win an Oscar anytime soon -- and would it have killed Eliza Dushku to take her shirt off?

The Charlie's Angels sequel grabbed eighth spot, and really, what were we expecting? Well, something that displayed even the bare amount of wit that the first film had, along with its inspired lunacy. Who would have thought staring at beautiful women for an hour and a half would be so tedious?

A three-way tie wraps this category up. Bringing Down the House represented a nadir in Steve Martin's career, and has made some of us question our love for him. The Cat in the Hat was a vile defilation of Dr. Seuss and Brian Grazer must pay. Cabin Fever buzzed early as a horror film to remember but ended up simply as a gross-fest among thoroughly unlikeable people.

A number of films were given the dubious honor of receiving votes in both this category and in Best Picture, among them the aforementioned Wrong Turn and Matrix films, as this group also includes among its ranks Kill Bill Vol. 1, Willard, Bend it Like Beckham and Big Fish. Truly, one man's trash is another's treasure. (Reagen Sulewski/BOP)

Top Ten
Position	Film	Total Points
1	Dreamcatcher	47
2	The Hulk	43
3	The Matrix Revolutions	34
4	2 Fast 2 Furious	31
5	Kangaroo Jack	28
6	Bad Boys II	23
7	Wrong Turn	22
8	Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle	21
9 (tie)	Bringing Down the House	19
9 (tie)	The Cat in the Hat	19
9 (tie)	Cabin Fever	19