Episode Ten: While the Cats Are Away

By Dan Krovich

We've come to the point in Survivor where we are on autopilot. Chuay Gahn holds a five to two advantage, so we're just waiting for them to pick off the final two Sook Jai members before the game can begin again. Ted is sulking because he got some votes against him. He's being a weak little whiny punk, as Robb would have put it. (You know, I really miss that knucklehead.) Jake tells Ted that his tribemates sold him out and told Sook Jai to vote for Ted. It is admittedly strategy to try to get Chuay Gahn to turn on each other, but it also is conveniently the truth. Ted doesn't believe Jake, though, and decides to trust his tribe. Brian and Clay, of course, deny ever suggesting a vote for Ted. Brian in particular is growing cockier and cockier (no that isn't a reference to his film career) as he is in pretty good position in the game.

So we move on to the general hardships of living on the island. Stop me if you've heard this one before, but they apparently don't have enough to eat. They are now eating the chicken food. They'd better be careful, though, because up to now there is 100% correlation between eating chicken food and having your neck broken by Jake on that island.

The reward challenge is in four parts, and players will be eliminated at each stage. For round one they pair up, and because there is an odd number of people, someone is eliminated immediately. That would be Jake (shades of things to come?) First part is called broken bridge, where pairs have to get across a bridge using planks to fill in the gaps. Brian and Clay maneuver through fairly quickly. Helen and Jan are in good shape until Jan falls off and they have to begin again. At least it gives Jeff a chance to make his "Oh, that had to hurt!" face. Ted and Penny finish second and advance. Part two is a belly crawl, and Penny is the odd one out. Part three is a wall climb, but the rub is that you have to have help to get over, so Ted and Brian help Clay, who in turn helps Brian. The final part is a bamboo balance beam. It's close, but then Clay falls off while doing his gainer with a half twist, which results in a five tenths deduction (damned French judge) and he has to start over, so Brian wins.

Brian gets to pick one person to go on the reward with him, and he chooses Clay. This ruffles Ted's feathers a bit more. You might say he's a weak little whiny punk. Brian is in a great position because he has both Ted and Clay fighting for his affections. Ted is jealous as Clay excitedly gets ready for his date with Brian. Clay is particularly smitten with Brian's rear end, which is evident when he mentions that that the porn star has a nice ass. Their trip involves boats, helicopters, and minivans on the way to their elephant ride. They get on the elephant, which Clay comments has a nice ass. (Hey Clay, is there something you want to tell us, big guy?) Brian is completely afraid of the elephant ride. I'm assuming that he's afraid of the coin operated horsey ride outside of the Wal-Mart as well. The real excitement comes when the elephant farts. What's the title of this episode, "Ass-Fest?"

Back at camp Jake tries out a new strategy as he tries to work on Helen. He proposes to her that Clay and Brian have the game locked up and the only way to stop them is to vote them out now. You've got to hand it to Jake. He is definitely in desperation mode, but he's calling it right and making the best moves he can. Helen is intrigued by his ideas and wishes to subscribe to his newsletter.

Back on Brian and Clay's romantic getaway, it's dinnertime. Stop me if you've heard this one before, but after not eating much for weeks, a meal of real food apparently tastes particularly good. Clay brings the leftovers back to the camp hoping that this will win him votes from the jury if he gets to the finals. At the camp they seem to be doing a little better getting food because the tide has gone out. I've never seen people so excited to get crabs, but they are extra excited to receive Brian and Clay's sloppy seconds.

It's time to really start getting into position for the vote. While Jake has tried to work members of the other tribe to join him and Penny for a long-term strategy that could get them to the end, Penny goes for the much simpler "jump ship and stab Jake in the back" strategy that at most could get her three more days. Penny sucks up to all the Chuay Gahn members to put her in good shape to stay and go along with voting Jake out.

The immunity challenge is a quiz about Thai culture. It's not a simple matter of answering the most questions correct, however. Each player has three torches. Answering a question correctly gives you the opportunity to snuff out one of another person's torches. The last person with a burning torch wins immunity. D'oh! There goes any chance of Jake's winning. Penny wastes no time in extinguishing one of Jake's torches. The game proceeds with Clay being the only person to be eliminated without answering a question correctly and with Helen winning immunity.

There is a quick conference back at camp as to whom to vote off. Although the obvious choice is Jake because he has been working hard to split them up, ironically Penny's transparent pandering is losing her points with Chuay Gahn, and there is serious consideration to vote her out instead. Jake realizes he's in some trouble. "It's not over until the fat lady sings, but I think I can hear her warming up," he says. Cut to Ted singing some sort of scales. Give that editor an Emmy!

As the voting goes, we see Clay vote for Jake because he is unhappy with some things that Jake said. In Clay's terms, Jake's mouth has overloaded his butt. Again with the ass fetish. Ultimately, however, the rest of Chuay Gahn votes for Penny and she gets tossed out on, well, her ass.

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