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When in the mood for watching something anti-climatic, look no further than the Big Brother finale.

Sure, it’s been a great season. Players argued with each other. People cried. Enzo promised the dropping of an uncomfortable number o grenades... Yet on finale night, when I looked at the remaining players – Hayden, Lane and Enzo – I couldn’t help but think that none of them deserved to win.

Well, maybe Enzo did, but he was evicted by Hayden a few moments into the finale, setting up a showdown between Hayden, who said a few weeks ago that he hasn’t made more than $5,000 in two years, and Lane, who comes from money.

Anyway, pre-Enzo eviction, there was plenty of plaid going on on that couch of theirs in the Big Brother house. Julie Chen checked in on the remaining houseguests, and two out of the three boys went with the classic checkered look. Blech.

Before the two-hour finale got off the ground, we also learned a very important thing about the Brigade. It isn’t spelled Brigade, but Bra-gade. Hayden and Lane (and, oddly, Britney) made T-shirts.

At first I figured they’d spelled Brigade wrong – I wouldn’t put it past their levels of intelligences – but then it clicked that they actually intended to spell it as Bra-gade.

Over at the Jury House, the newly evicted Britney reunited with Rachel, Brendon, Kathy, Ragan and Matt. There, she spilled the beans on the Brigade – I refuse to spell it with an “a” – and then Matt spilled the beans on his wife’s perfect health. Like everyone else, Britney seemed pretty disgusted with Matt’s lie.

Also at the house, Britney said she was half expecting for Rachel to tell her she was pregnant since Rachel and Brendon have been living together at the Jury House for three or four weeks. Rachel laughed it off, and then Matt added: “Well, she’s been drinking like normal, so…”

At the Big Brother house, Hayden and Lane faced off one-on-one to determine who would earn a spot in the final two (and the opportunity to select who they’d like to take with them).

After tying 4-4, Julie asked them to write down the number of times they thought they were slammed into a wall during an endurance competition last week. Hayden guessed 90 something, Lane 50 something, and yet the answer was like 250.

And this is why this season of Big Brother has been so frustrating. The field finally had been narrowed down to two fairly unintelligent people. But it’s reality TV; I don’t know what else I should have been expecting.

With the win, Hayden evicted Enzo from the game and chose Lane to sit with him in the final two.

At this point in the game, the remaining two houseguests fielded questions from members of the Jury House. Usually, these questions (and their respective answers) are good barometers on who deserves to win the game. Yet what was interesting about the Jury House this year was that most of their questions had nothing to do with differentiating Hayden from Lane.

Instead, Brendon asked Hayden who he would have liked to have seen in the final two. Britney asked Lane whether he really would have brought her to the final two if he had had the opportunity. And then Enzo asked Lane whether he would have brought him to the final two.

It was, shall I say, ridiculous. It was around this time, too, that those anti-climatic feelings really started setting in.

There was, however, a nice moment of awkwardness a bit later on in the finale. When pre-Jury House evictees (Annie, Monet, Andrew and Kristen) hit the stage, Big Brother played an old clip where Monet called Rachel a skank behind her back.

After it was over, Julie asked Rachel whether words like these hurt her. Rachel responded with an “Oh, Monet was just playing the game in the heat of the moment. I don’t take what she says personally,” and yada yada. Julie then asked Monet if this was true, and Monet agreed it was said in the heat of the moment, but that she really meant to call Rachel a skank.

Anyway, like the finale, I’ll reveal anti-climatically that Hayden won the game. And the winner of the $25,000 America’s Favorite Houseguest award? Britney.

So long, folks! It’s been fun!